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You appear to share common interests and possess a similar outlook. A pattern emerges. One night, lying there in the afterglow of another good session, you tentatively ask what the score is. Every time these thoughts creep in, you remind yourself of when you were laughing a few weeks ago.

You remember the stuff they talked about doing with you but have made no moves toor when they said that they really enjoy your company. After posing the question, the atmosphere changes. They pull themselves onto their side and look at you. As I type these words, more than a few people out there are having sex with someone who they have more than a casual interest in.

Unfortunately, there are more than a few people out there who like the idea of sleeping with someone who seems crazy about them and believes that the relationship is going somewhere. Yep, pretty damn degrading. Not wanting a relationship but still sleeping with you while doing dating actions, messes with your head.

It looks like a relationship and in your mind, feels like a relationship, but it has the hallmarks, not the landmarks of a relationship commitment, progression, balance, intimacy, and consistency, plus shared values, love, care, trust, and respect. This is typically around the time when you want things to progress or are looking for clarification.

They might kid themselves, insisting that they initially genuinely wanted a relationship, but at some point, they changed their mind. So they say nothing. And they ignore it. Because they focus on the action. Actions and words must match. No match, no relationship. Answer this question and you can start stripping the illusions out of this involvement.

You can take action that gives you back your power. Some people will chance their arm. Not only are sexual organs poor judges of characterbut sex should never be used as a basis for working out what the hell is going on in your relationship. Time and experience demonstrate this. Some folk that would sell their mama for sex! Persisting will leave you feeling devalued. I am not sure what category this falls in, but I have had 5 sexual relationships this year and all were honest about it but one, two were married, two told me they didnt want a relationship, and one just disappeared.

I took that to mean Bbw not deperate just curious may be hope down the road so I really clung to it. We were having sex, going out talking every day etc. I am beyond devastated still, I miss him and I feel like humiliated for my behavior and also like its my fault because he never clarified what we were, I should have opted out then.

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This may help you and others Katy. You have to make a decision to offload the burden of all of these feelings so that you can move forward. I have been regreting my behavior, which involved getting anxious, for the demise of what was a very important relationship, at least to me. Really, it was quite casual but just meant so much to me. Friends and family say I was vulnerable and was exploited. Bbw not deperate just curious, I take all the blame for all the discomfort I felt. My therapist tells me that staying in the blame works for me because it keeps me down, making it near impossible to look at myself and what my next step in life might involve.

Plus, if I offload these feelings, I would have to see him in a poor light or maybe not think of him at all. These guys were educated, wealthy, and had tons of friends, and were good fathers, sons etc. I kept trying and trying to figure it out, what was it about me???

I accept that my lack of control over emotions was a key problem, but one thing I have picked up on as I dissect it, is that every single one of these men has full lives. They had before me and they will after. This is my fault, but something that I can work on, and I feel alittle bit more control over things. I can tell you that whatever may be emotionally lacking in these men when it comes to sex, they are aces at looking out for their own time and interests, and that is one thing I can learn from them. You are right.

He goes back to his girlfriend and a new, exciting business which is amassing a huge local following. He is well liked and personable. I was a customer. No one knows that I had a bit of a dalliance with him, and that now that is gone.

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I was divorced for more than a 10 years, and he slowly and surely worked his magic with me. We finally spent a brief morning together. He tells me he loves me. He kisses me.

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I get anxious days later about disclosing anything, especially when it dawned on me that he was not planning to be with me. He was planning to be with his girlfriend! Unless, my health secret scared him away. Regardless, I was hooked, and after a few follow up conversations, he is for all intents and purposes, gone. He steered clear. And so I left. He probably thinks I am nuts and that this is old news.

But, for me it was not. And he, I am sure, is just thriving. I reached out to talk with him, and he says he and his gf are now close and he would have to check with her. Needless to say, no call back. What was probably small to him was and is such a big deal to me. How do I put this behind me? I feel like I lost so much. And probably because my life is not full in other ways. Even my job is slow. Today, my therapist told me that I starve myself emotionally.

And then, when I look for sustenance, I go where there are no nutrients: To unavailable men. First, my ex-husband so many years ago. Doubtful, I know that it hurts to see them thriving while we suffer in secret. My AC is having a great time, with his promotion came a move to a fabulous part of the country where both the women and climate are hot.

He always wanted to live there so he is off making arrangements. It makes me sick but in the long run it will help me to go over his pathetic ass. Ride a bike, have a drink with a friend, see a movie — whatever it takes to not think about him. Thanks, Ashamed. I know I am an overthinker, and he is not.

Same situation for both of us, but two totally different reactions. Doubtful, I would like to say just how much I sympathise and empathise because I also experienced so much of the rumination, anxiety etc for months and months — and even after 3 months NC still have some — and I doubt whether he even gives me a thought any more, busy enjoying his prestigious job, lifestyle etc. It does get slowly better though and I am sure you will too. Yes, my AC had no problem with me leaving, it was shocking how me leaving had zero impact on them and they just kept shagging around, skipping on their merry life.

Thank you, Mymble and Tired of A. Your responses are helpful and supportive. Everyday is like Groundhog Day for me. I wake up thinking it was me that ruined everything and by the evening I can say, hey, wait a minute, even a friend would be reaching out to me to see how I am. He was actually my instructor in an exercise class, and his gf was there, too. Every morning I wake up scheming as to how to get back there, saying to myself that at least I had a spot on a regular schedule.

No one knew I was hurting inside. Be real with yourself. Doubtful He has a girlfriend. The only thing that is your fault is that you decided that was irrelevant. Nothing could Bbw not deperate just curious happened, nothing is happening and nothing worthwhile will happen because he has got a girlfriend.

Good for you for dumping the exercise class. Talk about crumbs. You want and deserve way more than that. Not from him, from someone who is actually in a position to give that to you. Doubtful, I know how you feel. You are just hurting yourself by looking backwards. Resolve Bbw not deperate just curious do better going forward. There are so many people in the world that might be great for you, more than you can ever even meet.

So just go out and live and find the next one. Thank you, Katy and jd. I tried to submit a follow up comment, but it did not work. Wanted to make sure I thanked you both, though. Thank you for your frank words. I read them a few times. I watched his relationship develop with this girl while he flirted, etc with me. Or, if he always planned to stay with her. I took a brief break from the exercise studio back then, too.

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When I came back, he turned cold to me, and the gf no longer was speaking with me. I spent months trying to gain some equilibrium but finally had to leave the class. His not speaking with me now makes me regret leaving, thinking that, at least, before, he sort of was.

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I see it as my behavior that made him turn away. I was not in it alone. I am very interested in the new ebook, please keep posted because that is exactly how I feel.

Bbw not deperate just curious

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